Washington DC

My mom, dad, Zach, and I traveled to Washington DC for my big brothers wedding. I absolutely love DC and Zach was excited to travel on a plane to go see his uncle. I was a bit worried to travel with Zach just because lately I feel his behavioral issue have been getting worse. So being on a cramped plane for 4 hours wasn't sounding very exciting. Luckily our plane left LAX at 11PM so Zach slept the entire way to DC. It was probably the most uncomfortable plane ride I have ever been on. I've never had a problem sleeping on a plane, but I got about 30 minutes of sleep in. It was no bueno for me but Zach slept the entire time which was really nice. Even after we landed he continued to sleep until the entire plane was cleared out and we were the last ones on board. Once Zach realized we wer finally in DC he was very excited. It's something he's been talking about for months now and he's happy that he gets to see hus Uncle Jason.
After finding out baggage and getting our car rental, we drove from Dulles International Airport to the heart of Washington DC. Unfortunately we arrived during rush hour, so what should have been a 30 minute drive turned into a 2 hour one. We met my brother at his apartment and went out for breakfast. I don't know if it was because I was completely starving or if the food was actually that good, but the Cinnabon Pancakes at Ihop are delicious. After breakfast we went back to my brothers apartment because Zach wanted to see the dogs. This is when we found out that Zach is possibly allergic to dogs, mostly their saliva. He had so much fun playing with Hank, a big black dog with the heart of a puppy. That dog was the perfect babysitter for him. He wasn't mean or too rough with Zach, and he was happy to play games of tug-a-war with his chew toys. After leaving his apartment and heading for our hotel, I noticed Zach's face starting to swell up. Right away I gave him benadryl and cleaned him up because the last thing I want to do on vacation is spend it in a hospital. About an hour later he was completely fine.

Our first full day in DC was spent sightseeing with my mom and Elizabeth, great friend from my old high school high school days. Before leaving DC I complained about the 108º weather, but DC really made me appreciate that wonderful, dry, southern California heat. I could not stand the humidity. I was completely miserable. My goal for this day was to revisit the monuments we visited back in 2008, when we first visited Washington DC when Zach was 9 months old. Most of the pictures I took on that trip are still my favorite to this day. I wanted pictures so that I can do a comparison of then and now. Looking at both these pictures I cannot help but to cry. Gosh, he's definitely not a baby anymore. He's such a little man. My little man. The picture from 2008 is one of my favorite pictures of us together. Look at his adorable, chubby cheeks. When he was a baby I couldn't help but to kiss those cheeks all the time. 

But moving on, Zach really loved touring DC. I didn't think he would, I though he would find it boring. He wanted to see the Lincoln Memorial. We like the "Moments With Abraham Lincoln" show at Disneyland and leading up to this trip I have been telling him all about the memorial. Plus I think Lincoln is Zach's favorite president. Zach can point him out on the $5 bill and penny. We enjoyed walking around DC and catching up with my friend. We also visited the new Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial as well as one of my new favorites, the FDR Memorial. While walking back from the FDR Memorial, we were chased by a squirrel which really freaked Zachary out, so we decided to head back to our hotel. I was wonderful catching up with a great friend and tour DC with someone who lives there.

The next day my dad arrived in DC and we picked him up from the airport, and from there we stopped at the famous "Georgetown Cupcake" store in Georgetown. BEST CUPCAKES EVER! Being a fan of the show and having ordered cupcakes from them in the past, it was really cool being in the shop. We walked around DC a bit with my dad and he wanted to see the White House. So Zachary and I went with him, while my mom stayed back at the hotel. Zach thought the White House looked pretty cool. After walking around DC for a couple hours, we went back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding rehearsal dinner for my brother and Stephanie.

Our final full day in Washington DC was the wedding, but before that we promised Zach we'd take him to the Air and Space Museum. It was really crowded and I hate dealing with crowds. I allowed Zach to walk around for a bit and try stuff he was allowed to play with. He loved it, but waiting for him is torture. He did very well though and I was very proud of him. We took him to the gift shop and he picked out a toy airplane and space shuttle. After that we went to the hotel to prepare for the wedding. I tried to get Zachary to take a nap but that didn't happen. After we finished getting ready, we took the metro over to the wedding location. Zachary looked so handsome in his shirt and tie. The wedding was absolutely beautiful. I don't know why Zach was so into the wedding, I thought I'd have trouble keeping him busy and quite, but he sat there the entire time smiling for his Uncle Jason. After the wedding was of course the dinner and party. This is when Zach transformed into soem crazy party animal. I was amazed that he was the first one on the dance floor. When he saw people doing a certain dance move he copied them. He was very entertaining to watch. People were shocked that he was such a social boy and was the only kid on the dance floor. He even asked a couple girls, that were a bit older than him, to dance. It was very funny to watch.
It got me thinking if Zachary didn't have ADHD, would he be out partying on the dance floor with all the adults? There are so many negatives to ADHD that when the positive qualities to emerge it almost makes me cry. Zach struggles socially at school. He's very impulsive and it's his downfall. He's trying his best and that's all I asked from him. To watch Zachary get along with adults so well and socialize with them so well it kinda funny. People say that Zach is an "old soul" and I think that is an amazing quality he has. While he is only 5 and still has those moments of immaturity and silliness about him, he is one of the most interesting people in the world. He's also quite brilliant. I love sitting and having conversations with him. I can sit down and listen to him talk for hours. He can go on and on and I just sit there and smile because I don't think he knows how truly amazing he is. I really believe that my son is destined to do great things in this world and I will always be right there by his side to help him do so.

First broken bone.

Today Zachary managed to break his humerus while playing today at school. I usually work yard duty at his school on the days Zach is scheduled to go over to his dad's for visitation. He asked me to do it so of course I would do it for him in a heartbeat, but it's also awesome because now I get to see my guy everyday. So today Zach was playing on the play ground with all his little friends. He was standing at the top of the slide about to slide down. I looked away and the next thing I know I see him fall backwards and land on the edge of the slide. I heard him yell "Ow!" but he didn't cry. I walked over to him and asked if he was okay. He didn't answer and didn't move, so I picked him up and walked him over to a bench to sit down. He started crying but assured me he was okay. I was thinking it was more tears from being embarrassed rather than injured. I thought he was acting a bit awkward for taking such a big fall, but he continued to reassure me that he was okay. I  took him to the office and put an ice pack on his shoulder. He sat there for a while and asked me if he can go home. (Zachary always begs me to come home because he doesn't want to go home with his dad. Majority of the times he's in tears asking me) I figured this had something to do with it. While sitting in the office the bell rang and he told me he needs to go to class. I asked him once more if he was okay and he said yes but again asked me if he can come home with me. I told him that I always want Zach to come home and be with his momma, but it's his dad's day so he cannot. With tear filled eyes he said okay and I walked him to class. I told his teacher what happened and she said she'd keep an eye on him. I figured since he continuously assured me that he was okay, I didn't think to take him to the ER.
I received a call a couple hours later saying that he was still crying and complaining about his arm. I drove to school to pick him up before J could get there. I talked to his teacher and she said that for the first time this school year he took a nap. Not just a short 15 minute cat nap, but a good 2 hour nap. She thought it was unusual for him but what she thought what was even more alarming was that he didn't want to go outside and play with his classmates. I agreed this was odd and decided to take Zach to the hospital. I called J and told him what happened and he met me at Kaiser.
We got there at 3:00PM. J met us in urgent care. From the second we arrived and sat in the waiting room, he tried to keep Zach away from me. He grabbed Zach from my lap and put him on his. The entire time he carried Zach around. Not once did he put Zach down. We didn't get into urgent care until 4:30PM. We waited for about 50 more minutes before the doctor came in. She checked out his arm and shoulder and ordered an x-ray. We walked up to x-ray where J still carried Zach and kept him out of my reach. We waited another 30 minutes. After that we were sent back to urgent care and waited another 45 minutes before a doctor came in and asked me when was the last time Zach ate. I knew right then and there something was seriously wrong. He told me that he broke his humerus and that he might need surgery to fix it. When I heard this I felt absolutely horrible. I should have gone with my first instinct cause I felt something was really wrong. Whenever it comes to things for Zach I ALWAYS trust my mother instinct because it is ALWAYS right. I was pretty upset with myself over this.
Not only did I feel horrible about this, but Zach was starving and I could not feed him or give him anything to drink just incase surgery was needed. Poor baby was crying and so upset since he was so hungry. He asked me to come and lay down with him to make him feel better. We laid there for another 30 minutes. Finally the doctor came in and said he didn't need surgery but they will be putting him in a splint. Zach was happy to hear this cause it meant he could eat, I was happy because I was afraid of surgery. Again J kept Zach away from me by carrying him out of the room to the cast room where the splint was put on.
It angers me when J does this crap. Seriously? Are you that much of a control freak that you have to go to such extremes to keep Zach away from his mom? Grow up and grow a pair buddy. Your harming your son more than you know.
I am completely exhausted. We arrived home from DC last night around 10PM, woke up around 6AM for school, and have been up since. Sleep, a comfortable sleep sounds so good right now. I'm glad that my boy is okay. He was so strong during the entire visit. He always amazes me at how totally awesome he is.

Suspension

Zachary got suspended from school today because yesterday he hit a kid and gave him a black eye. I was told this was during lunch recess, however I was serving yard duty during that time watching Zachary's class and no incident was reported to me, nor did a child come to me with an injury. I had no clue about this so I was caught completely off guard. I agreed to the suspension, walked to Zach's class and picked him up. His teacher asked me if I knew what happened yesterday and I told her I have no clue. She apologized, gave Zach a big hug and apologized to him, and told him to have fun with his mom. I don't think the teacher or principal wanted to suspend Zach, but unfortunately school policy says if one child injures another child, he/she will be suspended for one day. Personally, I don't really understand the form of punishment in suspensions, especially for a Kindergardener. I remember back in the day when I was to stay home and serve a suspension, I really enjoyed it. I slept in, watched TV all day, played video games, ect. I remember once my mother even took me to Disneyland on a day I was serving an at home suspension. Where is the punishment here? And I really don't see how Zachary will understand that him not having to go to school is punishment for hitting another kid. We stayed home, watched "The Avengers" twice, washed my car, and drew fun pictures of ourselves. We had fun lounging around and relaxing. Here's Zachary's self-portrait.



I told Zachary when he is ready to talk about what happened to tell me, and we will go sit underneath his bed and talk. He finally came up to me around noon and said "I am ready to talk". So I walked with him back to the room and we sat underneath his bed. He told me that he hit the boy in the face because he was being mean to him and trying to take his glasses. Now that I know Zach's side of the story I can somewhat understand why Zach got mad. I always get on Zachary to take care of his glasses and to protect them. So when I see him acting out and attempting to break his glasses, I do get upset with him. I take them from him and make him sit in time out without them. Zach's vision is dreadful, so being without his glasses seems like an acceptable punishment to me. I told Zachary that if ever anyone tried to take his glasses from him to immediately run and tell an adult. I let him know that no matter what, it is NOT okay to hit someone. He said that after he hit the boy he apologized. Obviously, he realized that his actions were wrong since he willingly apologized to the boy. After Zach told me his side of the story, I told him that I am not mad at him but he needs to try harder at keeping his hands to himself. I also gave him a big hug and a "special kiss" and told him that no matter what he does, good or bad, I love him with all my "hearts". (Special kisses are kisses on the forehead. I have been doing this to him since he was born. I also put quotes on hearts because he never uses the word in a singular way. Too much "Doctor Who" maybe.)

I think it's interesting how Zachary acts the same exact way his father acts when he's angry. I call him "The Hulk" more to describe the way J blows up in anger, but I feel I'm insulting "The Hulk" when I do because I'm a huge nerd and I think he's pretty cool and I'm pretty sure J can put the real Hulk to shame. But when Zach get's angry, it's a complete mirror of his father. He starts screaming and yelling, he clenches his fists or does this really annoying thing with his hands that's hard to describe, and he kicks and hits objects or people. For J to say it's not something Zachary learned while on visitation at his house, in my mind is complete crap. Zach hit's in anger when he feels like someone is doing something wrong or being mean. When J felt like Zachary was doing something wrong (touching stuff he's not supposed to) or being mean (hitting others) J would spank/hit/flick Zachary to teach him that hitting, along with many other things, is wrong. Fighting fire with fire. And this man says Zachary doesn't learn these things from him. I just feel that he knows he can get away with this crap. He even openly admitted in court that he physically harms Zachary as a form of punishment. The courts did nothing to stop him but instead gave him an extra day and night for visitation. One day, Zachary came home saying his dad spanked him because he had an accident in his pants. He also said that his dad "flicked his face" because he wasn't looking at his dad while he was talking. I called CPS. A social worker came out and asked Zachary about the incident. Then the lady said that Zach's father can do whatever he wants to him when it comes to punishment, even if it is physical, just as long as it doesn't leave a mark or put Zachary in the hospital. I cried when the lady told me this. How is this right? If J were to hit a dog and it was reported, a full scale investigation would be launched and J would be serving jail time as well as a fine. This world is so majorly screwed up that a man can harm a child and get away with it, but can do the same exact thing to an animal and face jail time. Disgusting! I feel that J knows he can get away with this crap, and that's why it continues on today.

I haven't told Zach's dad yet because I am afraid for Zach. I know that when Zachary goes over for visitation, something will happen to him. I really pray that no harm comes to my boy. The other day when Zach got in trouble and sent home early from school, his father made him clean EVERY SINGLE baseboard in the house and also mop up the kitchen floor. This angered me because for one, how is this a good form of punishment for this child? It makes zero sense to me. Second, that house is a dump. Please do not make my son clean your mother's filthy house. According to you and your father's ancient man ways of thinking, that's her job. J's parent's did this punishments on them and obviously it didn't work. Stupid things like running a mile when they talk back or don't listen or cleaning the baseboards. I just don't see any good value in this punishment.

This post is pretty depressing, but Zach and I had a great day today. Man, if I knew yesterday that Zach would be suspended from school today I would have arranged a trip to Disneyland.

Zach's 2nd Appointment

Took Zach to his 2nd ADD/ADHD appointment today, and this time his father decided to show up. We walked into the room and I sat in the smaller kiddie chair in the corner and J sat in the chair next to me. Dr. Leong collected J's evaluation paper that he had to fill out and right away her first comments was how different his evaluation is from mine and Zach's teacher. Then, J said in a cocky and arrogant way, "Well that's cause he doesn't have ADHD. He's a bad kid and his mom isn't disciplining him." Okay, low blow and accusations from the start. This appointment is going to be horrible. The doctor asked him if he has done any research on ADHD and he again said "No, I don't have to cause he doesn't have it." (Ignorant much?) She then told him that he has majority of the symptoms and that she feels Zach has "combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive ADHD". 

For those who don't know, there are 3 classifications of ADHD. Predominately hyperactive-impulsive, predominately inattentive, and combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive. The doctor has placed him in the combined category because of the evaluations Zach's teacher and I filled out, and also from what she observed.

The doctor went on to explain the ways to treat ADHD and one of them was coping skills. This is something that both parents need to do for their child to help them. He refused to changed his parenting ways and said that since Zach doesn't act like this when he is with him he's not the one that needs to change. She then suggested we take parenting classes that specialize in parenting a kid with ADHD, and guess what, he said no that as well. The second way to treat ADHD is a help through the school (504 plan) which, thank God, they have already taken steps to do and do not need J's permission to do so. The third form of treatment is "the diet" which cuts carbs, sugars, and dyes from his diet and includes more protein. He reluctantly agreed to that one, but when I said that means NO MORE FAST FOOD, he gave me the look of death. I was actually getting a bit scared of him at this point. Fourth of course, is medication. Dr. Leong said that since he falls into the combined category, is doing poorly academically and socially in school, and there have been no changes, she suggests starting Zach on a dose of methylphenidate CR (Ritalin CR) and see if he improves while on the medication. J immediately said with an I know everything attitude "No, I'm not going to agree to it". Right then and there I just felt the huge lump in my throat and the tears about to pour out from my eyes. He then went on to insult me even more. Right in front of my son, he called me "a bad mom" and said all these issues are my fault because I don't punish Zach for his bad behavior.

I'm sorry but I refuse to beat my son into submission. I choose to approach his bad behavior differently. If Zach does something wrong, I give him a "1 strike" rule. For example, today a kid in Zach's class was "being mean" to him. So Zach took it into his own hands and pushed the kid. I saw this, walked up to Zach, came down to his level and said that he cannot push other people. I tell him it's mean and he could really hurt someone. Zach then told me why he pushed the kid and I told him if he feels like someone is being mean, he needs to find an adult and tell them, not take matters into his own hands. I then showed him what the right thing to do was by taking him over to another adult that was working on the playground with me and tell her what happened. After he did that I thanked him and told him to always find an adult if someone is being mean. I then asked him what would he do if another kid was being mean and he said "find an adult". I then asked him he needs to find the other kid and apologize for pushing him. He walked over to the kid and said sorry. After that I gave him a big hug and kiss, thanked him for apologizing, and sent him on his way. His father would have fought fire with fire, and spanked him for hitting another kid. I don't see how affective that would be when it comes to teaching a child not to it. Hitting is a major issue with Zachary at school, and his father's abusive form of parenting does not help the situation at all. Or a more recent form of punishment is when they got home from school, J made Zachary wash all the baseboards in the house. This seriously annoyed me. For one, don't make my son clean your mother's filthy house. Second, how in the hell is that a reasonable punishment for a 5 year old who got sent home from school early for hitting another student? Does any of this make sense to anyone?

But back to the appointment, I sat in my little kiddie sized chair and listened to this man insult me while my son sat there and watched. I don't want my son exposed to his father's angry ways, especially when his father is verbally abusing his mother. I refuse to let Zachary become the "man" his father is. Because I was literally trapped in a corner unable to escape this verbal attack, I grabbed my iPod and let Zach listen to his playlist. J's continually said I am a "bad mom" and I am a "weak person" because I let Zach get away with everything. Dr. Leong tried three times to change the subject in order for him to stop, but he went on bashing me as a person and as a mother.  After 45 minutes of J's rant, the doctor finally got J to stop and said she wants us back in 3 months to see if there is a change.

I kept my mouth shut the entire time and let him verbally attack me. I didn't want to have "mediation" in front of Zachary, so many time's I said "we are not discussing this here" and also apologized many times to the doctor. I thought it would be best for me to keep my mouth shut and let him ramble on like a mad man. It hurt to take so many low blows from a man that I truly despise.

After saying goodbye to my boy and giving him a big hug and kiss, J and Zach walked to their car. I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. I don't understand why this "man" is refusing to help his own son. He's so stubborn and selfish. He's so cocky and arrogant in his thinking that his ways are the best that it blinds him from seeing what's best for Zach. I questioned putting Zach on medications. After seeing that Zach's behavior is getting worse and seeing him struggle academically, I refused to let my personal opinion on medication prevent Zach from getting what's best for him.

So, I continue the fight for my son because he is unable to do it alone. I have many people who support me and what I am trying to do for my son. It always amazes me that people who have never met my son, are willing to do more for him than his own father is. Continue to keep us in your prayers. I hope I can find ways to get things moving sooner rather than later, but I have a bad feeling that this will be a long and difficult fight for us.

Throwback Thursday

It's #throwbackthursday (hash-tags are fun). I know I've already posted this on my Facebook page, but I wanted to post it on here as well. Zachary loves hearing stories about when I was a baby as well as stories as when he was a baby. So one day we were watching "ALF" on TV (yes, the old, original,  80s/90s show "ALF") and I told Zach that when I was a baby I used to love this show. When I was younger I had an "Alf" stuffed animal and I knew I had a picture of me with him, so I went searching for it to show Zach. While flipping through my baby book, I saw this picture of me and thought, I have a picture like this of Zachary. I never realized how much Zachary and I looked alike when we were babies. When I showed Zach he had the biggest smile on his face. I don't know why he loves baby stories about me or why whenever I tell him baby stories about him he will sit and listen till the end, but he always asks me to tell him stories about him. And I love doing it.

At bedtime, when he's too upset to sleep, I tell him the story of when he was a newborn. Like I said in my "Terrible Tuesday" post, it was very difficult for me to take care of Zachary during the night because I had a c-section. Because he practically woke up every hour I had Zachary sleep on my chest for the first three months of his life. When he slept on my chest I wasn't waking up every hour, but every three to four hours. He got a more restful sleep, and so did I. I don't know why Zach loves hearing this story so much, but it always makes him feel better. We usually have a short little cuddle moment and he comes and lays on my chest as he did when he was a baby It's a bit different now because having a five year old laying down on my chest kind is like having bricks on your chest, but Zach loves it so much I've learned to deal with it.

Bedtimes is one of my favorite moments with Zachary, and not for reasons of having time to myself, but we always have the greatest conversations at night. I always ask him what his favorite part of the day was, and his answers always make me smile. "My favorite part is coming home with my momma", "Playing with bubbles", "Running through the sprinklers", "Washing the car". I know that last one may sound odd, but Zach loves going through the car wash. We usually go through the drive through of
"In & Out" then drive through the car wash. My mom and I are at the point where we wait to wash our cars until Zach comes home. We feel guilty if we do it without him.

But going back to bedtime, I absolutely love it. I cherish every second because before I know it, he will be older and not want a bedtime routine with mom. So there is more than one reason why bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the day.

Are you ready for Halloween?

Many of my friends already know that I take Halloween costumes pretty seriously. And I'm not talking about those cheap costumes you buy from Wal-Mart, Target, or even the Halloween Store. I go all out and design and create my own costumes. I remember some of the costumes my mom used to make me and they always seemed to be my favorite. I will have to admit, there have only been 2 costumes that Zachary has worn that I did not make. But one of those years I made my costume instead.

Every year I take Zachary to a pumpkin patch and dress him in some cute little fall themed clothes and his costume and have a little photo session with him. This is Halloween 2007. I did not pick the costume. Zach's dad like's the "Flash". (I'm more of a Marvel fan myself) I really wanted him to be some really adorable little animals like a lion or an elephant, but this costume was a bit cheaper and was all I could really afford during this time. It's not bad, but it's definitely not my favorite costume and Zach's too young to really care about what he was that year, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I did mange to get some cute pictures though, and even though Zach is completely transfixed with the pumpkin, I really like this picture.

One of the simplest costumes I made for Zach was his "Dopey" costume in 2008. It was a simple, oversized green shirt with a big, yellow buttons sewn onto the front, a pair of blue sweatpants, a brown belt, and a "beanie" made of purple fleece. I thought Zach resembled Dopey without the costume, but with it I felt he was pretty spot on. I dressed as "Snow White" of course and I was planning on taking a picture of us in our costumes where I was kissing his little head. Unfortunately, I didn't get that picture. I really regret not taking it but I still managed to get some cute pictures of Zach. This one is my favorite picture from this year taken at the pumpkin patch.

In 2009 I really stepped up my costume game. I didn't make Zach's costume this year because I managed to find a really cute, well made costume from the Disney Store, but I couldn't find a costume for myself that I liked, so I made my own. Zach was "Woody" from the movie "Toy Story" and I was "Jessie". This costume was pretty simple as well, but I didn't have a sewing machine at this time, so I hand sewed everything myself. It was a white, long sleeved, button up shirt with yellow fabric sewn to the sleeves and around the chest area. I also added the red, thread detail that Jessie has on her shirt. The pants are regular denim pants and a sewed some cow print fabric to it to look like chaps. This was the first year we celebrated Halloween at Disneyland, and at this time it was still at Disneyland California Adventure. Zach doesn't like the scary side of Halloween, so Disney with all it's cuteness was prefect for him. Granted it was still dark, it was kid friendly as well as safe. Plus, they gave out Ghirardelli Chocolate with carmel centers (so delicious) as well as healthy snacks like apples and cranberry raisins.

Halloween 2010 was one of the hardest costumes I ever made for Zach. It was also the most expensive but I absolutely love the way it came out. Zach was completely obsessed with pirates, so he told me over and over he wants to be a pirate for Halloween. All the Halloween costumes in the store looked cheap and there was nothing that really stood out. So I made him his pirate costume. It's a long sleeve, white, button up shirt and I added some fringe on the sleeve. The vest is made from a brown cotton fabric with a bit of detailed print on it, and I added some gold detail around the edges as well as gold buttons. The pants are actually black baseball pants that I altered to fit him and added a gold button around the legs for detail. The shoes are actually covers I made of felt and a gold buckle. There is also a red cotton fabric wrapped around his waist and a black belt hanging on his shoulder to hold his sword. We also celebrated this Halloween at Disneyland as well, and this was the first year it was at Disneyland itself.

Halloween 2011 was a fun one. Zach was completely obsessed with the Disney/Pixar movie "UP" and asked me if he could be "Russell" for Halloween. I thought it was a great idea. I made him this costume and also made it for myself, my mom, my favorite little cousin, and my Aunt as well. We were all "WILDERNESS EXPLORERS". It was hard finding a yellow shirt that was the exact color I needed. (Go figure that when you need something you can never find it.) So I bought a white, short sleeved, button up shirt and dyed it the yellow I needed. Same with the hat. The brown sash is made of simple brown fabric, and all the patches are made from felt. The patch is also made from felt. Luckily I had a sewing machine this year, so making this patch was very easy. I also sewed and American flag on the right shoulder for an added detail. His shorts are simple brown shorts (that was also hard to find because shorts are hard to come by during this time of the year) and the shoes I found at Wal-Mart. Zach looked so adorable in his little costume. Majority of people who have never seen the movie thought he was a boy scout, but for the people who recognized what he was, they loved the costume.

This year for Halloween, I'm stepping up my game even more. This year we're going for a "Star Wars" theme. He's going to be "R2D2" and I am going to be "Princess Leia". Zach's costume is completely handmade, except the fact that I am using a mesh, round laundry basket for support. It's mostly made of duct tape and the top is actually a plastic pot for plants and flowers. I'm also doing something new this year by adding a bit of lighting to it for added detail. I also am making my costume as well. It's a simple white dress so it's nothing really to brag about. I am so excited for this year. I can't wait to go to Disneyland again and walk around with my little "R2D2". Zach's excited that he can wear his costume to school this year. I'm trying to convince my mom to dress as "C3PO" or "Chewbacca" but she won't do it. So I'm trying to think of other "Star Wars" themed costumes that she can dress up as so we can all match when we go trick or treating at Disneyland. I'm really hoping that Disneyland has the "Star Wars" area for pictures like they did last year. I'd think it would be so cool to take pictures in our costumes with "Storm Troopers".

Terrible Tuesday

Ever since the day J and I called it quits, visitation has been very difficult on Zach. I'm pretty sure that Zach loves and cares about his dad, but I know that he would much rather stay at HIS home with his mom. Zach and I have an incredibly close bond. From the day this little guy was born, I was pretty much the primary caregiver for him. I'm the one who woke up during the night to feed him, change him, and rock him back to sleep. For the first 3 months it was very difficult for me to take care of him during the night because of my c-section. Completely losing the use of your stomach muscles makes it very difficult to take care of a baby. But I couldn't ignore him during the night because I hurt. J never woke up to take care of him during the night because in his mind, it was a woman's job. So because it was so painful for me to climb out of bed and get a newborn baby out of his crib, Zachary slept on my chest for the first 3 months of his life. Some people may frown on this, but I feel that this helped Zach and I create the incredibly close bond that we have. Whenever Zach cried, I comforted him, fed him, played with him, or changed him. Zach could always count on me to be there for him. We are best buds after all. So I feel that it makes sense to why Zach would rather be at HIS home than anywhere else.

Because I have Zach on a consistant schedule, he knows when it's almost time to go to his dad's. So he starts to act up. More defiant than usual, hits more, and talks back more. He's also a bit more clingy and whinny usual and he gets frustrated more easily. Because of this, I expected the school days around his father's visitation to be a bit difficult for him and his teachers. Boy was I right. Tuesday have seem to be   a bad day for him. For the past 3 weeks his behavior has been pretty bad. His principal has called me saying that he's been hitting other kids in his class and calling them mean names. (These are names to the degree of a 5 year old.) I've told both Zach's teacher and principal about his behavior when it's time for his father's visitation. Zach and I are really lucky to have such a wonderful teacher and principal who is very willing to work with him during this transition. Since this has been a constant thing for 3 weeks now, I'm convinced that Zach's behavior at school has something to do with visitation.

I feel so bad for Zach. I ask him what's wrong and he starts crying. He feels really bad about his actions and apologizes for it, but he says that he's mad and angry because he wants to go to HIS home. As much as I want to tell him "Okay, mommy will pick you up after school instead", I can't. The courts have complete control over visitation. I want to help my boy feel better but it's beyond my control. I give him big hugs and smother him with kiss and tell him constantly that I love him in hopes of making him feel better however, it's only a temporary fix.

I'm looking for ways to help Zach with his anger and bad behavior at school. He loves school, playing with his friends, and learning. But these issues are holding him back from doing well in school.